Childhood Trauma

" I am not what happened to me , I am what I chose to become" Carl Jung 

In the therapy room I hear the stories of people carrying the shadows and echoes of the past.  Often this shows as anxiety in it's  many forms , difficulties in forming or maintaining relationships, self harming behaviours and addictions . These can carry shame , blame and guilt , low self esteem or self hatred . When we approach these issues with compassion and curiosity often what hides beneath is so much fear, loss and pain. Shifting your thinking from seeing "behaviours" as problems, to approaching these as adaptations to feeling unsafe or unloved ,rather than problems to "fix" can feel less self deprecating , increasing the chances of allowing a space for a new way of viewing yourself.

Maybe it is more helpful to imagine these as expression of needs once left unmet? How might you view yourself differently if you saw yourself as a little child in need of someone to hold them close and keep them safe, to defend them against a bully or a frightening parent or just to simply sit with them in silence so that they don't feel alone. 

Childhood trauma can be anything that distressed the child to such an extent that their ability to cope became overwhelmed leaving a lasting emotional impact. Bullying, accidents or serious illness, loss of a parent, neglect, physical, emotional or sexual abuse , the list is by no means exhaustive .

A young child's mind is still developing and the brain is being shaped by  environment and experiences , how others relate to them when they are hurt or sad , for example , teaches a child about what to expect from others , when this is unsafe or frightening they begin to form beliefs about the world around them that fits with their experience of "I am unsafe" or "I am unloveable".

Their inner world is being shaped by their outer experience and relationships, most importantly it impacts on the relationship that they form with themselves. Growing up feeling unsafe affects the child's ability to discern safe from unsafe , when those that are meant to love and care for us cause us harm, this can be confusing, as that child grows into adulthood unhealthy patterns in relationships can form because they have never really known that love does not need to be accompanied by fear and pain. 

The good news is this , our brains are pretty adaptive, we can never erase the past, but we can change how we think and feel about it , noticing the differences between childhood and now , what do you know about yourself now that you didn't know then?  There may be many examples, but one I feel can be most significant is having choice, if someone took away your power then, how might you take it back? 

That is the power in choosing what you become.